How Your Self-Talk Affects Your Success, Love and Happiness

Self Talk slide.019Your words have great power. 

Have you ever listened to the constant stream of chatter going on in your mind? It’s not something most people do very often but awareness can yield startling revelations.

Your Words becomes your reality. Here’s how:

People’s self-talk is full of “facts.” Statements like, “I’m no good at math” might seem like fact, but that seemingly innocent statement has far-reaching consequences.

Let’s rewind and go back to the beginning of that “fact,” otherwise known as a belief.Self Talk shutterstock_214407859 copy

Initially, there was an experience and an interpretation. Let’s say that as a young teen, you failed miserably at a math exam despite having studied hard. Because of the emotional sting of the poor grade, you created a negative interpretation of the event. Suppose your interpretation was, “I’m no good at math. I’ll never get this no matter how hard I try.” You reinforced the interpretation and the accompanying negative emotions every time you thought about the exam. With repetition, a budding belief took root in your subconscious.

The next time a situation arose that required math skills, your “I’m no good at math” memory surfaced; emotions kicked in (fear of failing again) and you either talked yourself out of trying, or gave up at the first equation you didn’t grasp right away – further reinforcing the belief. The more you talked to yourself about math, the more energy you gave that belief.

Fast-forward to today. You state the “fact” that you’re no good at math. Now, you avoid situations that require math skills – thus shutting yourself off from many opportunities.

This is real life. It happened to me. Until recently, I swore up and down that I was no good at abstract math, that a page of formulas made my head spin, and I didn’t need this stuff in my everyday life. I didn’t even try. I had convinced myself I couldn’t.

What were the consequences of this belief? After all, abstract math isn’t something needed on a daily basis… Well, I talked myself out of architecture school. I was convinced that a solid knowledge of abstract math was necessary and I was sure I was not good enough at math to even apply, never mind that I have a natural aptitude for design.Self Talk shutterstock_214407292 copy

Turns out, I was wrong about the necessity of abstract math in architecture.

Can you think back to something you talked yourself out of? Something that held your heart, but your head said, “You can’t!”

Now that you know how self-talk can be detrimental, you can start make positive change.

It’s as simple as knowing that your beliefs about yourself are only OPINIONS.

Imagine if your interpretation of that miserable math grade were different. What if you had told yourself, “I procrastinated and didn’t understand everything. Leaving it to the last minute meant I was stressed out and I came to the exam exhausted and brain-dead. No wonder my results were bad. Next time, I’ll get help early on before it gets away from me.”

Fast forward. Today’s results would be vastly different!

Your actions are always aligned with your emotional self-talk. This is how your self-talk determines your success, wealth, health, relationships, happiness and fulfillment. Emotional words have as much power as any force of nature. What you think and feel is mirrored in your actions and choices, and results in your circumstances and life experiences.

Changing your self-talk is not easy. The solution is to take small steps. Practice positive self talk so you self-talk your way into a slightly better mindset. Keep building on the small successes you will experience. Keep the upward momentum going with empowering self-talk.Self Talk shutterstock_167543393 copy

Step one is awareness. When you come across a disempowering belief by noticing your inner chatter or when you speak to others, remind yourself if that the belief is an opinion based on your interpretation of an event.

Next, adopt a growth mindset which allows for change. The statement, “I’m no good at math” represents a fixed mindset. “I am what I am” is the attitude and that makes improvement impossible. A growth mindset – “I am working on improving my math skills” – opens up a world of potential for improvement until mastery is achieved.

Then use positive, emotional self-talk to change your mindset. Here’s the most powerful way to say affirmations (substitute what you want to be/do/have):

● “I am a successful architect” – say it with feeling. Self-talk said with emotion is infinitely more powerful than bland, rote repetition (remember the emotion that you felt when a belief first took hold!)

● “(Your name), you are a successful architect” – imagine your best friend or mentor telling you this

● “(Your name) is a successful architect” – imagine a group of strangers praising you at your latest project’s ribbon-cutting.Self Talk shutterstock_216569830 copy

Practice positive self-talk as often as you can – immediately replace a negative statement with a positive one. Don’t give any energy to the negative statements. Replace and repeat!!

It took years of repetition to form certain beliefs and it will take time to unlearn them, but you can do it. Put your positive affirmations on “repeat” and self-talk yourself into success in everything you do.

Remember, you are what you think/feel you are – nothing more, nothing less. Your emotional self-talk determines your actions and your actions result in your circumstances. Create what you want. Do it now. Set your intention to think and speak only empowering, loving words.

Yes, I’m working on my “I am no good at math” self-story. It’s a poorly written chapter from my past… but the new chapter is full of potential. Because of my choice, my life took a different turn…  thirty years later, it’s my time to go for that degree… Exciting stuff!