From Death’s Doorstep-The Hollie Rolla Story
Finding the Light Within!!
Hollie Rolla had it all. A wealthy family, the best schools, a life of the rich and famous, who could want for more? Yet, she felt empty and alone, totally uncomfortable with herself and not sure where she fit in the scheme of life. She began partying, drinking and taking drugs in an effort to blot out her feelings of discomfort. Seeking help she began to see psychiatrists and psychologists who provided no real help other than drugs and more drugs. “At one time I was taking 16 different types of prescription medication daily.”
Then on March 10, 2009, while at yet another party, she decided she had had enough. “I don’t know who I am, I’m completely lost I just want to end it all.” I was just thinking, “oh one extreme to another, and everything’s crap. I’ve had enough. It’s never going to change.” I refused to continue fighting everyday of my life just to have something work out for me”. So I decided it would be better to give up. She opened the door, stepped out on the balcony and jumped, falling 5 stories to what she assumed would be her death.
Six weeks later she awoke from a coma with the sense that she had been given another opportunity to have a life where she did fit in, where she could be comfortable with herself, where she did not have to wear a mask.
She knew that there was a reason for her being and that she needed to figure out what it was. As she puts it, “I was scared at first but very conscious of using that second-look opportunity to discover my purpose and do what it is that I know I’m here to do. Everything does happen for a reason.”
Hollie describes what she was doing as “wearing a mask”, a mask to hide who she really was in an effort to be who others wanted her to be. The internal conflict between who she really was and who others wanted her to be led to her escapism and her attempt to make the ultimate escape. She determined to find out who she was and to be that person regardless of what others thought.
A few weeks ago Hollie shared these thoughts with the publisher of IgNITE Magazine.
IgNITE: Why do so many of us wear masks?
Hollie: Because of the conditioning we receive as children. From the ages zero to six we’re absorbing what we’re told and experiencing. If at some moment during the six years of your life you’ve been told or made to feel like you’re not good enough, you absorb it.
“No, don’t answer back, or that’s not right. You’ll never amount to anything.” We form an internal mask to operate on. Those limiting beliefs you’ve formed about yourself as a result of the conditioning you’ve received is what’s going to keep manifesting in your later life. Some of my clients are a very common example of this. They’re confident, strong and successful; they seem to have it all, but on the inside they are actually wearing a mask. They are acting a role, not being who they are.
A very common thing we were always told when we were younger was “Don’t speak out of turn. No, men don’t really like women to express themselves. Let the guy take the lead.” This conditioning of society, schools, peers and parents has urged us to accept this as reality. So they wear a mask to be acceptable. But of course, it’s only a matter of time until cracks appear and the mask falls off.
IgNITE: Is finding your purpose something that happens instantly or is it a process?
Hollie: It is a process. I’m a firm believer that our purpose and our reasons for being do not just fall into our laps. We have to act, to seek out. It’s really a process of getting to know yourself, getting to know your values and then take the next step to know what your purpose is. Now a purpose does not mean that I’m going to be the next Mother Teresa. If you want to do that, that’s great. But your purpose can be something simple like “I know that I’m meant to be a mom so I’m going to give everything I possibly can to my kids. That is my purpose and now that I’m aware of it, I’m going to align all of my actions and words with that.”
My jump gave me the motivation to find that out. I committed to my own growth; I committed to find out why I feel the way I did, where it came from and what could I do to overcome it. So for me a lot of it is about information. In walking that path of my own healing, my purpose became very clear.
Hollie: First, clarity is power. We need to get absolutely clear on what it is that we want, what it is that’s blocking us from having that right now and where does it come from. Getting clear on something makes it much easier to focus on the outcome that we want to achieve. If we scatter our energy in a hundred different places it is overwhelming and you actually end up getting nothing done. Wherever you face roadblocks and challenges, get clarity.
Second, if you don’t go within, you will go without. This isn’t some kind of Zen, hippie, sit down, meditate thing. It means that it all starts with you. No matter what your circumstances, it’s imperative you get yourself out of this fixed mentality which can be very, very difficult. The key thing is not to worry so much about others and focus on what it is that’s making you fail. What’s making you feel the way you do. Once you’ve pinpointed that feeling you can then use your past as an internal database of information. Use your past as an ally.
Third, get yourself into an empowered mindset. You’ve got to stop wallowing in everything that’s happened so far and you’ve got to make the choice that “I’m going to be the director of my own life”. That’s about shifting your perceptions. Instead of wallowing in the “why me, why is this happening, I can’t pull myself out of it”, give yourself a period of time to grieve or feel the emotions and then cleanse them. Get back on the horse. Train yourself to shift what you say to yourself from, “Why did this happen to me?” to “What can I learn from this experience? How can I use it to my advantage?”
IgNITE: Some people say, “I’m too old to change”. Do you have a response for that statement?
Hollie: You might be 60 or 70 but you also might live to be 100. You might only live until your 70 and ten days. What matters is the last ten days. You will ultimately have taken back your power. It’s not about the end result; it’s about the process. Even if you feel that’s just the way it is or it’s just too late, it’s not.
Excited by a new commitment to a life of learning and helping others, Hollie has founded Recalibrate Your Life as an expression of her purpose: “coaching others to remove their mask and live who they really are.” She works one on one with clients as well as conducting periodic seminars. Her fervent belief is that her life experience can and will benefit all who wear a “mask” and are seeking to remove it.
You can find Hollie at www.hollierolla.com.